Dear Joe Mauer,
Let me start by saying what a huge fan I am. You’re definitely one of the best catchers in the league. And a local boy to boot! Your decision-making at the catcher position is one of the key reasons that the Twins have been competitive this far into the season. I am more than happy to pin all my hopes and live vicariously through your accomplishments on the field.
But it’s not just enough for you to make all the decisions on the baseball field. You make decisions for me in the real world as well. It’s because of you that I chose Qwest for my cable/internet/phone service because you recommended it on a billboard. Now, you’ve simplified my charitable giving by suggesting I donate to the United Way. Thanks for all the help. But I have so many other decisions that I need to make, and I thought you might like to chime in on other areas of my life.
First, I’m thinking of switching cell phone service to Sprint, and even though he’s so funny in those commercials, I’m not sure if I can completely trust Peyton Manning. What do you think? What jewelry store should I go to to find a gift for my wife for our 25-year anniversary? Or what fast food restaurant should I take the kids to for dinner next week? We’re moving my mother into a nursing home and we haven’t figured out which one is best; any suggestions?
I need your help to make the everyday decisions as well. If I should turn that report in on time or if I’d be fine if it’s an hour late. Where I should eat lunch today. Your teammate, Delmon Young, recommends Subway. But Coach Gardenhire suggests Famous Dave’s BBQ. I don’t know whom to trust. Do I have anything stuck in my teeth? Should I get gas now, or can I make it another day?
It’s not that I’m incapable of making these decisions for myself. It’s just that you seem to have opinions on so many other aspects of my life. If you could find the time to answer these questions (and also where I should get a tie for my interview tomorrow), I’d deeply appreciate it. And if you could do it on a billboard on my way to work then all the better. Go Twins!
No comments:
Post a Comment