Sorry Nebraska, But You’re Boring

  I just got back from a trip to Denver, because what else do I have to do? Seriously, someone tell me what I should be doing instead. Denver was great. Lots of friends, time with my new niece, and I bought some New Mexico green chili sauce. But the trip was brutal. I don’t mind driving, and a fourteen-hour drive is something I’ve become okay with. Actually, it’s kind of nice. Once you get past the first few hours and into that zone where miles pass and you wonder how you already made to Des Moines (and you half think to yourself “was I asleep for the past three hours?”), the driving pretty much takes care of itself.
  I tried to find a bunch of local radio to listen to as I crossed through states, but really only found National Public Radio stations. I’d hoped to learn some bbq tips, the proper way to shuck corn, or irrigation techniques. Instead I heard about President Obama’s speech in Cairo. At least I stayed informed. Eventually though, I had to turn the radio off, because it just becomes noise and while I hear the words, I don’t process any of it and my ears start to tell me that they need some quiet. But then I go stir crazy because it’s just me. In a car. And miles to go before I sleep. I passed that time by making up songs about how much I hate Nebraska.
  Seriously. Nebraska sucks. Well, I can’t say that the whole state is awful, but driving on I-80 through Nebraska is 455 miles of purgatory. I think to myself, “Good God, if I could just get out this state I know everything will be ok.” At least in Iowa I get to look at windmills. And Colorado is hilly (more mountainy I guess) and has a bunch of farms along the highway. But Nebraska is the driving equivalent of a Midwestern girl’s haircut: flat and unimaginative.
  I’ve never driven through a more boring state. I’ve driven through Montana. I remember it took over eleven hours. Nothing compares to Nebraska. Though I’ve never driven through Kansas. People have told me that once they drove through Kansas they stopped complaining about Nebraska. Maybe that should be what’s on signs along the highway: “You’ll feel better about Nebraska once you drive through Kansas”. Instead of “Home of Arbor Day”. Really? Arbor day? That’s the best you can do? Don’t get me wrong, Arbor Day is absolutely important, but it doesn’t carry the same weight as, say, Flag Day (which in case you were wondering, is today-total coincidence).
  Ok, I shouldn’t say that Nebraska is entirely barren. There is (inexplicably) an archway over the highway about halfway through the state. It tells the history of transportation in (and across) America. And in case you were wondering how exciting the museum itself is, one of the exhibit facts from the website is that a “[t]otal of 89,000 blades of grass appear throughout the show.” Way to go Nebraska. You manage to get less and less interesting the more I learn. Maybe next time I drive to Denver I’ll take the long through South Dakota. At least then I’ll have to come up with some new songs.