I’ve been watching the baseball playoffs, and I realized I’m missing out on one of the greatest celebratory techniques in life: the champagne shower. Let me explain. Whenever a team wins something important, they spray each other with champagne. So in the case of baseball, when the team makes the playoffs, they have a champagne shower. And then again if they win the Divisional round; and again if they with the pennant; and of course again if they win the World Series. So after the game, they go back into the locker room and everything’s been covered with plastic tarps. And then they open bottles of champagne and shake vigorously. I’ve never had this happen to me.
Heck, I’ve never even had a beer shower, in which you replace champagne with (always) Bud Light-official beer of MLB? It’s time for a change. Why have to become a professional sports player to be drenched in Moet? I’ve decided that once, just once, I’m going to act like I accomplished something major. Notice I said like I accomplished something major. It doesn’t even have to be that serious. Made a tasty stew? Beer shower. Found a quarter? Beer shower. Got a raise at work? Take a champagne shower. You’ve earned it.
If I lived in a warmer city it’s what I’d do every New Year’s Eve. You’ve already got the champagne. Why wouldn’t you pop the cork, place a thumb over the opening and shake it towards all of your partygoers? Sure, they might get upset at first, but soon they realized they’ve never experienced anything so wonderful in their life. Imagine. A shower while fully clothed. With champagne!
Here’s what I propose. Everyone come over to my house. Bring a bottle of champagne and that day’s accomplishment. We’ll all say what we did and then pop open the bottles. And if you plan on just bringing some beers, forget it. We deserve the good stuff.
